How do I move?

Femininity: A woman's body

We’ll start this topic of femininity slowly. It would be helpful to keep the conversation to the day’s topic!

Of course, there are all kinds of women’s bodies and all kinds of lives! Some of you are city gals getting in and out of Ubers and some of you are feeding the livestock every morning. Many are going from the house to the car in suburbia.

So, as always, take what I say and apply it to your situation with prudence and confidence (that, having thought about it, you know you’re doing what works for you — I don’t need to be convinced).

A few generations under the tyranny of gender ideology has made it hard for women to know how to be in our bodies. I’ll be brief, but warning, this discussion might not be appropriate for children, if you are listening to the voiceover.

So maybe you grew up playing rough sports just like a boy, adopting the stance and gestures of the playing field and locker room. Or you were immersed in the mainstreamed lesbian culture we find in certain urban areas, where the body is aggressively rejected or mocked (think purple hair and sweats).

The other extreme is somewhere on the super-model-to-porn scale; a self-consciousness about and distortion of the body (in fashion terms, basically garments that would make a hooker from another generation blush, or in its “softer” version, sexy-farm-girl vibes) — that also negates femininity, which is always attractive and modest.

Sometimes there is a combination of these two things — extreme exposure of the body that nevertheless is sexless (think leggings with a midriff-exposing athletic top).

We’ll discuss fashion later, but it’s a handy marker for these defects of form.

So let’s first address the body as a whole and how I think about and move in my female body.

We need role models and they are not the easiest to come across. But your homework is to find ladies to observe, of all ages and temperaments — some more extroverted, vivacious; some quieter, more demure, but all feminine, which is an attribute we know when we see it. You admire a particular person, so give her some thought.

Sit somewhere and watch these women. In a gathering or at church, take note of the ladies there who are notable in their femininity.

Again, this is not necessarily about the softest, most retiring person in a group. That’s temperament, personality, not necessarily femininity, though of course a quiet woman can be feminine! Your role model can be quite spirited, lively, out-going. Maybe you’re in the feed store and she’s getting some 50-lb bags of chicken feed! But she strikes you with her womanly grace.

Make those examples an examination of “feminine conscience”:

How does that lady move — walk, sit, bend over?

In a misguided beta move, a woman unsure of her femininity insists on yielding to a man in a doorway, but masculine male lets a woman precede him, a feminine woman graciously allows it. The unfeminine woman sits with her legs apart, throws her elbows. The other end of the scale is a woman comically incapable of being a realistic physical body in a place; she draws attention to her bodily weakness; she minces rather than walks. Study this. How do I move? How do I use my strength? How do I interact with others, physically speaking?

What gestures does she use — do they differ from a man’s? An unfeminine woman slaps, bellows, slumps. She doesn’t fit into the natural hierarchy — she patronizes men or yields to children. What gestures do I make? Who did I learn from?

How can I temper my body’s movements to make them more like a feminine woman’s — more graceful, even if I have a lot of physical work to do —

and less girly-girl, sexless or even masculine?

Study for a Woman Feeding Chickens, 1859, Jean-Francois Millet

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As with everything here at the SFH, the best thing is for you to take my ideas, coming from my experience of 45 years of marriage and raising seven children, and apply them to your situation with discernment, prudence, and confidence — and a sense of humor!