Femininity: Hair
Don't give up! Let's aim for personal prettiness
I’m going full Auntie Leila on you here and this post is longer than my usual and very visual, so sorry about the voiceover being a bit vague.
These are my observations, and they have to do with being as pretty as you can be, yourself — not about trying to be something you are not. Obviously these are my opinions!
But no matter what we prefer, let’s aim at femininity, gracefulness, and prettiness. It’s possible, no matter what your style or constraint, i.e. how many babies you have! It’s possible to be feminine and still have a hairstyle that allows you to do all your work in the home. Let’s discuss!
Mother and Baby, Jessie Wilcox Smith
Some general thoughts:
Be honest. Have you sort of given up, thinking it’s not important for your hair to be pretty? Let’s overcome that. Your hair can be pretty and feminine.
Be sure to wash your hair. The front may look okay but the back and sides do not, when one’s hair is not clean.
Get your hair trimmed regularly, even if it’s long. It makes a big difference to how you feel.
Bangs hanging straight down are never going to be as nice as a style that enhances, rather than hides, your eyes.
Choose a style that suits you but doesn’t require a lot of energy to get into shape, because then…
…you will be back to giving up. Housewives are busy! But should still be feminine!
Get what you need in terms of products.
I’ve tried to grab photos to illustrate what I’m talking about. These are mostly models [EDITED TO ADD: some are AI but I am trying not to offend any real person and give a vision, so this one time, we’re going there] and there is a certain sameness, but I’ve tried to choose by vibe — use your imagination and your common sense!
Specific dos and don’ts, and I totally get that everyone’s hair is different — don’t be offended! Auntie Leila just has to say what’s on her mind and try to bring back feminine styles:
Long hair:
It’s not feminine to pull it back tightly in a boring ponytail every single day. Try a softer pony (by fluffing after you put the band in) with a loose scrunchy or ribbon, or a loose French braid, starting low down, which is easier on your scalp too.
I’m not a fan of pulling hair up in a bun that sits like a separate object up there, on the very top of the head. Hair doesn’t grow upwards, so weird things are going on at the sides that you aren’t seeing.
In no circumstance is this topknot more attractive than a bun lower down, one that complements the lines of your cheekbones, jaw, and forehead.
Auntie Leila says NO:
Auntie Leila says YES:
It looks droopy, sad, and paralyzing for hair to hang down straight over your ears. Auntie Leila has no idea why this is a fashion. You have to hold your head oddly still to keep it out of your eyes; the straight downward line interferes with your sparkle. It will never look as nice as gracefully swooped away from your cheeks. Even tucking behind your ears is preferable to this unpleasant, depressed look!
Don’t:
Do:
On formal occasions, an updo will always look more put together and feminine than hair left down. It makes me sad to see gown, jewelry, fancy shoes, and hair not beautifully styled in an updo.
Obviously you need certain clips and such to make these nicer styles happen. It’s worth the investment in ones that are comfortable and really work.
Short hair:
Short hair can be feminine! And if you have very fine hair that you only know how to pull back in a tight pony, it could be really cute.
But! It has to be left longer on top and care taken to style it with a bit of loft. A pixie cut is not a man’s style, which is short on top. Study pictures to see what makes it feminine: it has to do with the length on the upper half of the head.
A really short haircut involves bangs, but they need to be swept in a way that doesn’t just hang down over your forehead.
Elizabeth Taylor, the most beautiful woman in the world, some have said, with a simple hairstyle!
Chin length can be sassy or sad. It can be elegant. Don’t let your hair droop, don’t ignore it. Try for a good shape overall:
Get nice clips or a hairband. There are hairbands that can be molded to fit the shape of your head; they are sold at the drugstore or look here (affiliate link). If you like the way you feel when you pull your hair back with sunglasses, you can mold this hairband to mimic that.
A hairband looks best if there is some fullness behind it.
Straight hair:
Make sure you have a nice cut and are doing something to put in a little curviness in the way you style it. Every lady can benefit from brushing the hair back from the brow, even if it then falls straight down. Try that upside-down and flipping back trick to add volume.
Do something to avoid having it just sit there in its straightness.
Curly hair:
Curly hair is a subject of its own!
Study “curly girl” cuts so you know what to ask for to release your curls and avoid just having a frizzy blanket on top of your head. Work with, not against, your curls. Again, brush (but not with a brush, with your fingers) your hair back from your forehead, even if you then let it fall to the sides.
The object with a curly head of hair is to achieve an overall shape that complements your face!
Pretty and feminine! You can do it!
Don’t wish to subscribe just now?
Please consider sharing The School for Housewives with your girls’ club, book club, or women’s group! Let people know they can go to the main page and see the categories with all the archived posts (or look at the posts there in order).
and, if you like
My book on how to live with the Liturgical Year: The Little Oratory
The School for Housewives brings you short, practical, and thoughtful messages to inspire you to make your home. If you’re new here, go to the homepage for the previous Lessons; the categories are arranged in the menu bar at the top.
For the longer version:
As with everything here at the SFH, the best thing is for you to take my ideas, coming from my experience of 45 years of marriage and raising seven children, and apply them to your situation with discernment, prudence, and confidence — and a sense of humor!
"Be sure to wash your hair." THANK. YOU. I cannot understand the trend these past few years of not bathing/showering and washing your hair regularly. Now, that said, I am a long-haired curly girl who almost always resorts to a high/top knot 😂 Ironically, it makes my (extremely large and un-feminine looking) nose look smaller than lower styles, and, for what it's worth, I do knot it loosely and fluff 🤣 This is a great post, thank you!
Could you provide more "femininity" posts. I'm loving this series. It's so helpful and encouraging. It's exactly what I've been looking for someone to talk about (in this housewife way) for the last few years. Thank you so much!