Open-ended play

Let them gather their own sticks

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I saw a post about a beautiful, super aesthetic, totally appealing set-up for outdoor mud-kitchen play. The account encourages providing what children need, letting them engage in open-ended play to form their imaginations.

Without deep, absorbed play, something will be lacking in their development. Putting a toy together according to the maker’s vision is certainly an activity with its place, but it’s not this vitally important play.

So I totally endorse romanticizing it. We need images to help us see what children need from us: basins, appropriately sized tables, old spoons, and so on.

I just want to say: Let those kids get their own sticks.

Let them put their own handmade signs on the playhouse and even build the playhouse themselves.

Let them ask you if they can have whatever it is they find they need.

What’s so funny — something I can really relate to — is that the mother herself really enjoys setting up the mud kitchen or playhouse or treehouse or whatever it is, and surely her interest can activate a child’s desire to play this way. There are some children who need to be shown what to do at first, and then, possibly after a little resistance, they are flying. Sometimes they do need to detox from the sort of toys they are surrounded by. Then, Mother gradually extracts herself.

There may even be a period of the child wanting Mother to stay involved, but it’s better to keep directing him to play with other children or even alone (“I have to fold laundry, but you can keep making soup out there!”). This process might be a little rocky and involve insistence, but it’s so they can be really free and not dependent, imaginatively speaking. It’s a balance…

In fact, saying, “Why don’t you go see if you can find any interesting sticks and rocks for your play kitchen — here’s a tin can for them*” is a fine suggestion for one’s children, of an early morning or indeed any time of day, firmly communicating that they will figure it out. Maybe then you can turn to romanticizing your very own kitchen!

*I recommend getting this kind of can opener (affiliate link). Some cans have marvelous labels, making them great for play. This opener smoothly removes the top, leaving no sharp edges, and makes it possible for kids to use the can safely. I’ve had mine for 5 years and it still works great.

Margaret Tarrant

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