How's the Amiability Project going?

Fasting and smiling...

The Lenten spiritual journey is an intimate one; I can’t really tell you what it entails other than the fasting, almsgiving, and prayer part.

But if you are in on the Amiability Pursuit I posted right before Ash Wednesday, we could do a quick check. I’m working on all this and I’m sure you’re way ahead of me. (By the way, the “Code of Amiability,” which I find helpful, is not only for women, but we’re talking amongst ourselves here.)

The first three points:

(1) To smile until a kindly smile forms more readily on your lips — practicing to acquire “Resting Happy Face” (with “Happy” meaning peaceful, kindly, not whatever it is we have going on right now).

In theory this should be harder given the dearth of chocolate, sweet and salty snacks, wine, and ice cream in our lives, but the Church knows what she’s doing. Habitually indulgent behavior doesn’t make us smile more.

(2) To repress any sign of impatience at the very start. The truth is that we are impatient because we feel out of control with ourselves. Lent is one big season of revealing how ineffective we are at achieving even the simplest goal we set ourselves. You’ll see. We start out all “we will offer you our sacrifices Lord so You will save us” and very quickly arrive at “I can do nothing, but You have purchased my salvation with the Cross.”

This realization helps us be more patient. The Lord’s patience with us reconciles us to our littleness.

Do you know that your husband gets stressed when you’re impatient with him? Why are we stressing each other out? All he can say is, “You’re critical, you criticize,” and we think, “I didn’t criticize!”

But the truth is, it was the impatience, which leads to him feeling incompetent, belittled, unmanly. Replace the “sign of impatience” with a kindly thought (and maybe a smile). In a minute you can make that “helpful suggestion,” or maybe just skip it.

(3) To add a word of benevolence (goodness) when giving orders. To those over whom we have authority, amiability in our approach makes life sweeter.

To the husband, the wife must sometimes give a directive, but she must be sure not to make it sound like she’s speaking to a child. A great deal of marital problems would be solved if she were more careful on this point. “Would you be so kind as to…” and “O Lord and Master, the trash —” go a long way to making a comfortable and peaceful home.

Livre d'heures, en latin et en français, à l'usage de Langres 1401-1500

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As with everything here at the SFH, the best thing is for you to take my ideas, coming from my experience of 45 years of marriage and raising seven children, and apply them to your situation with discernment, prudence, and confidence — and a sense of humor!