Equity schmequity

The important work of resting with baby; husbands have other important work.

The School for Housewives brings you short, practical, and thoughtful messages to inspire you to make your home. If you’re new here, go to the homepage for the previous Lessons; the categories are arranged in the menu bar at the top.

No AI here!

Yes, you can take a nap and get better sleep at night, with a nursing baby. You don’t need to resort to “equity” with your husband by having him “take his turn” with a bottle of formula (or even breast milk).

{I’m not interested in arguing about this but rather am passing along my experience and that of wise mothers who are my friends and relatives. There are all too many out there who will push, relentlessly, some form of not breastfeeding from the breast and you can go listen to them if you really want to. I alone am left to tell you.}

Abandon the idea of getting up to nurse the baby. Have him right there, in the bed or so close to it that you can get him without really moving or waking up. Prop yourself with pillows if he has a gassy spell. It’s vaccines that cause SIDS, not having your baby in bed, as long as you and your husband are not drunk and/or high, which you shouldn’t be anyway. Forego the “well” visit and bad advice, not the cozy time in bed.

I started out with my newborn in the bassinet across the room, trying to nurse him in a chair when he woke up, which of course was all the time. I was almost hysterical with lack of sleep! Soon I “gave in” (meaning did what is normal for most of history and all over the world) and just did what came naturally. Some husbands are veritable giants and so a temporary setup might be necessary, but you can make it work. A bigger bed or a pillow between you does the trick.

Breastfeeding releases hormones that make it easier for you to fall asleep. Your husband gets no such hormonal relief and has to get entirely up to give a bottle. And then you anxiously lie there anyway…

He has to go to work; you can rest during the day.

Which brings us to naps. When your baby is a newborn, housework will necessarily not all get done. Do the minimum, work up to the rest once a rhythm is established; but still, make lying down with him at least once a day a priority.

Older children can learn a good pattern that includes quiet time. Effort in establishing it now pays off later. You can lie down with your three-year-old while the baby sleeps in the cradle. Cultivate the 20-minute, half-prone power nap rather than a total conk-out under the covers.

Will you still be tired? Yes. Can you rest even with babies? Yes.

"Mother and Child"by Elin Danielson-Gambogi

As with everything here at the SFH, the best thing is for you to take my ideas, which come from my experience of escaping feminism to enjoy the gift of 46 years of marriage, seven children, and more than a score of grandchildren, and apply them to your situation with discernment, prudence, and confidence — and a sense of humor!

Be happy at home!

Could you become a free or paid subscriber? That way you won’t miss anything!

As a paid subscriber, you can comment and join the chat!

If you don’t wish to subscribe just now, I understand! How about…

For the longer version of this Substack and much more on this topic:

My 3-volume book on Order and Wonder in Family Life: