A child's need to be with you

That one who seems to be pestering

I was thinking recently about the delicacy of a child’s development, and how important the housewife is, observing and meeting her children’s needs. No daycare or nanny can replace her.

An example of a little seeming dilemma that sometimes springs up:

The wise mother encourages her children to play independently — nothing is sillier or less normal than parents who think independent play indicates neglect on their part — but occasionally, one child, even an older one who is usually out running about, goes through a clingy phase; it can feel like pestering to her, while she’s doing her work.

Many issues might underlie this behavior (the need for more rest, food, sunlight) and are worth looking at (this is true for oneself!), but sometimes, the child just wants to be close.

A quick hug might not actually do the trick, though it won’t hurt!

I remember a time when I realized this is a particular situation in which this child is happiest doing a little task next to me. Not “with me” in the “let’s make cookies together” sort of way; rather, “near me” in a companionable, quiet sort of way.

Time together — time itself — seems to satisfy this particular need.

A little example: One of my sons (maybe at the age of 7 or 8) enjoyed using our magnetic letters to post the day’s menu on the fridge while I was puttering around the kitchen getting things ready. I answered the occasional question about spelling, but mostly let him sound things out, with no judgement.

This activity solved the annoyance of having his three elder siblings run in — repeatedly! — to ask me what’s for dinner (“look at the fridge!” I could remind them) and was as good as a phonics lesson for him. His mood didn’t require direct attention from me, which would not have made things better in that situation.

Mostly, I came to realize, it gave us unforced relaxed time together in the midst of a bustling household, and that in itself was the remedy.

Only the housewife has this time.

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As with everything here at the SFH, the best thing is for you to take my ideas, coming from my experience of 45 years of marriage and raising seven children, and apply them to your situation with discernment, prudence, and confidence — and a sense of humor!